An Unconventional Bride Page 5

  “You have such lovely gowns, Emma. It is rather difficult to choose one,” Kitty sighed and turned to her. “Which one do you wish to wear this evening?”

  Emma glanced at her best friend and pursed her lips. She had never before kept anything from the duchess, and now she sat in her bedchamber, preparing for a lavish ball as if nothing had happened last week.

  Emma had been unable to stop her thoughts from diverting back to William, though she had tried. She was well aware, of course, that she was the one who had suggested that they pretend nothing had happened between them.

  But now, as she sat at her dressing table, unable to even glance at her own reflection, she could not help but feel as though she had made the worst mistake imaginable. She was not certain whether the mistake was that she had been intimate with William, or that she proposed to not speak of it.

  Emma had vowed to herself from a young age that she would not deprive herself of things that brought her joy and happiness, but denying that something had happened with William felt as though she was doing just that.

  She was filled with confusion and frustration, and she did not enjoy the feeling.

  She raised her gaze towards the duchess, not sure what had been said. Kitty stared at her expectantly, holding two of her favorite gowns in each hand.

  “My sincerest apologies. Did you say something?” Emma asked, her cheeks heating slightly.

  “I was merely inquiring which one you would prefer,” Kitty repeated. “The magnificent emerald green gown, or the elegant sapphire blue.

  Emma cocked her head and shrugged. “It does not matter. Choose whichever one you think.”

  Kitty lowered the gowns and frowned. “There is no need to be nonchalant with regards to your choice, Emma. There will be many eligible bachelors at the Duchess of Waltham’s ball. The correct choice of dress is crucial.”

  “Perhaps,” Emma sighed. “But I still insist that you make the decision for me. I am feeling rather distracted at this moment.”

  “Is everything all right, my dear friend?” Kitty asked. “If there is something on your mind that you wish to rid yourself of, I am here to lighten your burden.”

  Emma wished it were that easy.

  “For that I am grateful, but I am not certain what has me confounded. I merely feel indifferent with regards to this ball. I was not invited personally, and I do not wish for the the Duchess of Waltham to think I merely made an appearance without an invitation,” Emma answered.

  “Do not fret, Emma. The duke and I personally sent a message to the duchess, informing her that you will be my guest,” Kitty answered. “Please do not worry that you are not wanted.”

  Emma nodded quietly and turned back to the mirror.

  “If there is something else on your mind...”

  “Perhaps it would be better for me to leave the estate. I feel as though I may have overstayed my welcome,” Emma admitted, the half-truth causing her some ease.

  Kitty carefully placed the two gowns on the bed beside her and approached Emma.

  “Such nonsense you speak, my dear Emma. You are always welcome here,” the duchess said and took both her hands. “Why would you think such a thing?”

  “You were married mere days ago, and I am certain you wish to spend time alone with your new husband. My presence is clearly causing you two to inconvenience yourselves,” Emma explained. “I certainly do not wish to make a nuisance of myself.”

  “That is not possible,” Kitty assured her. “I adore having you here, and James does not mind at all. He merely wishes to ensure I am happy. And even if we wished to be alone, his brother and sister are always at the estate. It is their home as well, and I have grown accustomed to their presence.”

  Kitty glanced at Emma for a moment and her gaze narrowed. “I have an idea as to why you wish to leave.”

  “You do?”

  “It is because the duke forced you and William into the study to settle your differences. You are still upset with him, and that is why you wish to leave,” Kitty answered with a nod. “I assure you that his intentions were of the noblest, and he only wished for you and William to cease your squabbling.”

  We certainly managed that, at least for a few minutes...

  “I am not upset with the duke,” Emma answered and lowered her gaze, staring down at her hands resting on her lap.

  “Then what is it?” Kitty asked and knelt before Emma. “Please, tell me.”

  Emma glanced down at her friend, a woman who had become a duchess, and cocked her head. She wished with all her being that she was able to tell her what was truly in her heart, but she knew that she could not. She sighed wearily and pursed her lips.

  “Is it William?” Kitty’s sudden question caused Emma’s body to jolt, and her heart to pound in her chest.

  “Did William say or do something that made you feel unwelcome?” Kitty asked with concern.

  “His lordship did utter a few things that caused me to be upset, yes, but that is not the sole reason,” Emma admitted.

  “What did he say to you?” Kitty asked.

  “It does not matter,” Emma sighed and stood from the stool.

  She walked towards the bed, glancing down at the gowns carefully laid out. The blue gown reminded her of William’s eyes, the bright blue pools she had drowned in whilst their limbs were intertwined on the desk in the study.

  She still felt the warmth of his breath on her neck, sending waves of delight through her.

  However, it was only a memory.

  A memory that would haunt her for the rest of her days. That would stay with her, reminding her of her cowardice.

  “I was under the impression you and William spoke and settled your differences.” Kitty shrugged as she rose to her feet.

  “We did.”

  “Then why are you so intent not to tell me what he said?”

  Emma bit her bottom lip and turned to her friend. “He told me that no man would ever want me.”

  “Emma—”

  “Please,” Emma said as she raised her hand. “Allow me to finish.”

  “Very well.”

  “He continued to tell me that no man would wish to marry me or have anything to do with me once they learned how strongly I felt towards equality, in regards to the role of a woman in marriage, the household, as well as in life. Men do not wish to compete with women for power and control.” Emma pursed her lips as tears threatened to form in her eyes and she drew a deep breath. “Perhaps Lord William is right. Perhaps I will never find a man who loves me as I am.”

  “Lord William was angry and upset. Your argument could be heard from down the hallway. Anger makes one say things that we do not normally mean, or say something with the intention of hurting someone, whether it is the truth or not.”

  “He meant it. I could see it in his eyes,” Emma whispered.

  “What does it matter what Lord William thinks? You are a strong young woman who does not concern herself with the opinions of others,” Kitty said, sticking her nose in the air.

  Emma laughed and wiped away the tears that had fallen.

  “I am aware. I simply don’t understand why Lord William’s words affected me so much,” Emma sighed.

  “My dear friend, if I had known, I would not have allowed James to invite him to the ball tonight,” Kitty cringed. “I am sincerely sorry.”

  “It is most certainly not your fault. Lord William and I...” Emma’s voice trailed off as she thought of many words that would complete her sentence, but she couldn’t share any of them. “We will keep our distance from one another tonight, I am sure. And if we happen to find ourselves in one another’s company, we will attempt to be civil.”

  Kitty cocked her head and smiled at Emma. “This evening, all the eligible bachelors will flock to your side, and you will forget about Lord William’s words,” Kitty smiled with assurance. “Now, which gown?”

  Emma forced a smile and glanced at the bed. “I have always been fonder of the green.”

&n
bsp; “Perfect. You will most certainly be the most exquisite woman at the ball.”

  “Thank you, Kitty,” Emma said sincerely. “I am not certain what I would have done if not for you.”

  “There is no need to thank me, my dear friend. I simply wish for you to be happy.” Kitty smiled and retrieved the emerald gown from the bed.

  She was grateful she had such a caring and wonderful friend in the duchess, but she continued to feel guilty for keeping a secret – especially one of such magnitude.

  But did she really have another choice?

  Emma was uncertain how Kitty would react if she were to learn of her intimate moment with William. Perhaps the duchess would understand. Or perhaps she would scold Emma for being such a fool.

  Kitty had done so on a few occasions in the past when she had learned that Emma had been intimate with other men. She had made it abundantly clear that such things were meant for after marriage, but as Emma had such strong beliefs that opposed the duchess’, Kitty had learned to accept her for who she was.

  Emma stared mindlessly into the mirror at her reflection as Kitty pinned her hair at the nape of her neck. She admired the duchess’s features and unfairly compared them with hers. Emma had always considered herself not to be as elegant or beautiful as her friend, which had made her feel somewhat insecure. But after a lengthy conversation with her mother and older sister, Emma had realized that she was beautiful in her own right, and she must not compare herself to others.

  As Emma glanced once more at her reflection, she did not feel beautiful, as her conscience continued to eat away at her, darkening the light-filled corridors of her heart.

  Chapter Eight

  William slowly descended the main stairwell in Woodlock Manor, fidgeting with the buttons on his jacket. He had felt uncomfortable in his own skin since he had left the study the week prior, and he was well aware of why, although he would most certainly not admit it to anyone.

  He had barely seen Emma since their day together, and it truly bothered him. His peace had been disturbed by the thought that he would not see her again if she left the estate forever.

  What of what he wanted?

  Did it not matter to her?

  Did he not matter to her?

  His thoughts trailed off once more as he absent-mindedly descended the stairwell, and his body jolted suddenly as he noticed his siblings standing at the foot of the stairwell.

  “Brother, sister,” William greeted them with a charming smile, which was not in the least genuine. “It was not necessary for you to meet me, but I appreciate the sentiment.”

  “Oh, William. You should realize by now that everything is not always about you and that the world does not revolve solely around you.” Elizabeth shrugged, looking magnificent in a rose-coloured gown and her golden hair interweaved with flowers from the garden.

  The duke was dressed in dark grey formal wear, his hair parted to the side, and his jaw clenched in his usual manner.

  William grinned and placed his hand against his heart. “Oh, how you hurt me.”

  Elizabeth rolled her eyes and turned to James. “Perhaps we should take two coaches, brother? One coach would be much too crowded, and we would not want our lovely gowns to become creased.”

  “Very well.”

  “Brother, if I may,” William interjected and glanced at James. “There is no need for two coaches—”

  “You are such a brute, William. Honestly, do you even care about anyone else except yourself?” Elizabeth exclaimed haughtily.

  “I simply feel it is unnecessary for two coaches to be used,” William pointed out, but he noticed the duke’s attention was elsewhere.

  As William followed James’s glance, he noticed the duchess dressed in an exquisite mauve gown with embroidery on the bodice. Her long, onyx tresses were delicately piled on the crown of her head, and her cheeks were pink.

  The duke’s eyes sparkled as the duchess reached the bottom of the stairs and he gently took her hand, their love radiating throughout the entire hall.

  Movement at the top of the staircase caught William’s eye and as he glanced up, the universe came to a halt. Emma slowly descended the staircase as well, and William’s heart started to pound.

  She wore an emerald green gown with soft muslin sleeves that delicately draped over her pretty shoulders. The skirt of her gown was soft and embraced the curvature of her body as she moved.

  Her red tresses were pinned at the nape of her neck, tendrils framing her beautiful face. William was mesmerized and sadly, there was nothing he could possibly do to make her his.

  A few moments before Emma reached the foot of the stairs, William cleared his throat and stepped away.

  “Sister, shall we take my coach?” William asked.

  “Very well,” Elizabeth answered with a furrowed brow and turned to the duchess. “Ladies, you are both visions in those gowns. Truly.”

  “I could certainly say the same about you, Elizabeth,” Kitty reciprocated, and Lizzie smiled.

  “Thank you, my lady,” Emma answered gratefully.

  “Do they not look utterly ravishing, brother?” Lizzie asked and glanced at him expectantly.

  “Yes, indeed. Utterly ravishing,” William muttered, and as the last word left his lips, he recalled Emma’s words in his head.

  “Now ravish me until I beg you to stop.”

  William cleared his throat loudly, shifting his weight in discomfort and turned to the door. “Shall we go?”

  William didn’t even wait for a response when he opened the door and stepped outside.

  Two coaches stood in the driveway, ready to leave for Retford Manor, the home of the Duke and Duchess of Waltham. The sun was low in the sky, on its way towards the horizon, and soon the sky would be dark and littered with bright stars.

  William hurried to his coach and opened the door for Elizabeth.

  Lizzie finally emerged from the house, and did not utter a word as she climbed into the coach. William simply nodded at the duke before he also climbed in.

  She glared at him from the seat opposite him, with narrowed eyes, but remained quiet until the coach began to move. “What on earth is the matter with you?”

  “Nothing is the matter with me,” William muttered and glanced out the window.

  Lizzie scoffed. “You are a terrible liar.”

  Her comment caused his jaw to clench and he turned towards her.

  “Yes?”

  “What ails you, Will? First, you were rude and obnoxious at the wedding, not even to mention foxed most of the day. Then, I hear from James, you were rude to Emma as well.”

  Will shrugged. “I am merely in a mood.”

  “If you are in a mood, please do not direct that frustration towards people who have nothing to do with it. Father would slap you on the back of your head if he were here.”

  “But he is not here,” William grumbled and crossed his arms.

  “You are such a child today,” Lizzie muttered. “Or rather, more than you usually are. Perhaps you should have refrained from joining us at the ball.”

  “Spare me the lecture, Elizabeth,” William muttered.

  Lizzie pointed her finger at him. “I will not allow you to spoil this ball, even if I have to lock you inside a linen closet. Is that clear?”

  Will straightened on the seat where he sat, heat flaming his cheeks. “That will not be necessary.”

  “Good,” Lizzie answered with a satisfied nod and sat back against the velvet seat.

  When the coach came to a stop at Retford Manor, William climbed out first and then assisted Elizabeth. They were ushered inside the large manor house and led to the grand ballroom, which was elegantly decorated with chandeliers and candelabra. The marble pillars were draped with soft cloths and bright green vines. Guests were elegantly dressed in gowns and formal attire, conversing animatedly in groups.

  Just like every other ball designed to trap husbands.

  William purposely avoided being in Emma’s sphere and s
ought out his single, male associate.

  Mr. Carson Wallace, a neighbor and old friend, quickly unraveled the mystery of why William was behaving so strangely.

  “It must be a woman.”

  William glanced at his friend in exasperation and shook his head. “What do you even speak of, Carson?”

  Carson chuckled heartily and motioned vaguely across the ballroom. “The young woman wearing the green gown. Is she the one who has you acting like a fool?”

  “She is no one,” William grumbled.

  “I see. If she were no one, why do you keep glancing in her direction? And when an eligible gentleman approaches her, why does your jaw clench? Jealous, Will?” Carson inquired.

  William glared at him.

  “If you have feelings for the young woman, there is no shame in making it known,” Carson pointed out, “before another man claims her.”

  “Says the man who has been hiding his feelings for my sister for years,” William countered.

  Carson’s jaw clenched and his eyes widened.

  Before he could respond with a lie, Will scoffed at his friend. “It seems as though I am not the only coward here.”

  “It is more complicated for me. She is the daughter of a duke, and I do not possess a title. I am not worthy of a woman such as Lady Elizabeth.” Carson sighed, then turned to William. “Why does this particular young lady have such an effect on you?”

  “She infuriates me. Every moment we are together she cuts up my peace,” William admitted.

  “Women do that, more often than you would imagine. But I shouldn’t have to explain that to you, Will.”

  William shook his head. “None of them compare to Emma.”

  “Ah, the lady has a name,” Mr. Wallace grinned. “What does she do to infuriate you so?”

  Where to begin?

  “She is strong-willed, and she doesn’t bow down to anyone. She speaks her mind, even if it isn’t appropriate,” William grumbled. “But she is radiant when she laughs, and her smile can light up the world. Look at her, Carson. Is she not the most magnificent creature you have ever gazed upon?” William asked, knowing he sounded tainted beyond compare. Then he winked at his friend. “Apart from my sister, of course.”